


Voice of Reason

by hazellepotter



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Acceptance, After the War AU, F/M, Fear, Hogwarts, Hogwarts AU, Hogwarts Eighth Year, Post-Battle of Hogwarts, Redemption, Strangers to Friends, Strangers to Friends to Lovers, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-19
Updated: 2018-12-19
Packaged: 2019-09-22 14:41:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17061677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hazellepotter/pseuds/hazellepotter
Summary: And for the first time, Blaise believed in that idea. He believed her, but he was sure he would believe anything she said at this point. She was his voice of reason.





	Voice of Reason

Blaise wanted to believe in second chances, so much so, he decided to go to Hogwarts after the war was over. That's what the brave Blaise Zabini told people. But the cowardly Blaise decided to go back to Hogwarts to escape his mother. That was his true reason; he was tired of her berating questions and the scolding he got for never choosing a side. 

He knew he was a coward, he always had been. That was the Slytherin way; that's what everyone believed. They weren't wrong to believe that, but it was too bad they couldn't understand why. No one wanted to understand, though. It had always been that way, too. 

It was a surprise to his professors when he was struggling in school. He had always been a top student. He prided himself on his intellect without having to put in too much effort, but for some reason, NEWT level Herbology was kicking his ass. And naturally, Sprout had the idea that he needed a personal tutor outside of class.

"It will be really good for you," she told him, "It will also help you build some.. erm, new alliances."

"I don't need alliances."

"You say that now, Mr. Zabini, but we always need someone to have our backs in the end."

He knew she was right, but he also knew that no one wanted to have his back. The people that did weren't at Hogwarts, and even then, he wasn't sure he wanted to reach out to them. They reminded him too much of what he feared most. 

 

* * *

  

It was a week after his discussion with Sprout that he was supposed to meet his new tutor in the library. He tapped his quill impatiently and looked at the clock on the wall. His tutor was seven minutes late. He knew seven was supposed to be a magical number, but Blaise appreciated punctuality. He knew his tutor had to be Neville Longbottom. He had the top marks in Herbology, to his disbelief. 

So you could say Blaise was surprised when Padma Patil approached him. He didn't know her well; he only knew of her beauty. But he knew how superficial that was. He was beautiful too, but where did that get him? Alone at Hogwarts with no allies. Yeah, his looks really gave him a lot of opportunities. Hah, _what a joke._

Blaise wasn't the type of be stuck in his own thoughts. He was always aware of his environment. He wanted to use what he observed to his advantage, so when Padma Patil had to clear her throat to get his attention, he was surprised once again.

"Sorry, what?" Blaise asked not so elegantly.

She raised her brow and leaned against the table he was sitting at. She looked bored, like she was above him. _Like he was wasting her time._ He didn't like that. Not one bit.

"I said that I was your tutor? Sprout approached me and asked if I could help you. But could we get on with it? I have my own classes I need to study for."

Blaise rolled his eyes now. She was _that_ Ravenclaw.

"Well, your sorting stands true," he told her sarcastically, "I'm sorry for wasting your precious study time."

"Your's also stands true," she replied calmly, "You're still as cynical and as self-preserving as can be while trying to find all the short-cuts."

Blaise glared at her, but she purposely ignored him. 

"Now," she asked him, "Where do you want to begin?" 

 

* * *

 

A few weeks had gone by since their first tutoring session, and Blaise had to admit that Padma was a good tutor. She didn't take his shit, and she helped understand what he was missing. 

"I think you are good enough to do this all on your own now," she told him, "You don't need me anymore."

Blaise wanted to agree with her, but an inner voice was telling him that he _did_ need her. Just not for Herbology. He pushed that thought down and swallowed. 

"I think you are right," he lied.

She looked at him with an intense gaze as she flipped her smooth hair over her shoulder. Blaise was distracted by the thought of how soft it would be in between his fingers. But as soon as she stood up and was starting to pack up her bag, Blaise got the courage to say the first thing on his mind.

"Wait," he blurted, "We should still see each other at this time every day, to you know, just _unwind._ "

Padma raised her brow again; it was a common occurrence for her. But this time, she smirked as she did so. 

"Are you saying you enjoy my company so much that you want to see me for leisure?" 

She was teasing him. Blaise wasn't used to being teased.

He felt his cheeks heat up. He felt stupid, but she quickly saved him from saying something else.

"I'll see you at the same time tomorrow," she told him, "But meet me by the lake instead. We can take a walk." 

 

* * *

 

"Do you miss your sister?" Blaise asked her, "Is it weird not having her here at Hogwarts with you?"

Blaise was surprised to see her roll her eyes.

"I hardly saw Parvati when she was here before. It doesn't make a difference now. Besides, she is supporting Lavender with all her new changes."

"I heard about that."

"Yeah, her being a werewolf now is pretty common knowledge. I'm just glad Greyback is dead."

Blaise nodded. He only knew Greyback briefly when he was thinking about initiating himself as a Death Eater, but he ran away from that possibility. He ran away from most things. 

"Did you know him?" She asked him seriously, "Greyback?"

He was taken aback by her question. _Of course he did_ , he wanted to say, but why would she assume that? Did he really reek of a traitor? 

"Is that just your assumption since I'm a Slytherin?" He retorted, "Because not all Slytherins know the bad guys. That might be surprising to someone as pure as you."

She stopped in her tracks and glared at him. She crossed her arms and replied, "No, it isn't an assumption cause you're a Slytherin. It's an assumption because of your _mother._ Because of all your _friends._ I might not have known you, Blaise Zabini, but I heard things."

"You heard things, but you didn't hear the whole truth."

She didn't reply to him after that. He didn't have anything he wanted to say either. She just turned on her heel and walked back towards the castle. Maybe that was the end of their meetings. Blaise would be lying if he said he was okay with that.

 

* * *

 

She didn't talk to him for a week, but he was too annoyed to care. Or that is what he told himself. 

How dare she make assumptions? How dare she be..... _right._

That's what Blaise hated the most about it. She was right, but she was always right. He hated that about her. 

It was seven o'clock on Friday night when she approached him in the Great Hall as he was about to head back to his common room.

"I'm sorry," she told him, "It wasn't fair of me to assume. Especially since I pride myself on my open-mindedness."

He wanted to continue to resent her, but he didn't have it in him. She was the only person that would talk to him, and he was selfish. He needed that interaction; he _craved_ it.

"It's okay," he replied, "And you were right, I did know Greyback. I just wish I hadn't." 

 

* * *

  

"You might be the smartest person I know," he told her, "Did you know that?"

He was smiling as he was laying on his back on the Astronomy Tower. He was watching the snow fall in the night sky, and he finally felt at peace.

She jokingly rolled her eyes and bumped his shoulder with her's.

"Yeah, whatever Zabini," she joked, "We all know you think that about yourself."

He wanted to tell her he was serious, but as he rolled his head over to look at her, he was distracted by her hair sprawled out across the floor. It still looked so soft, and he was itching to touch it. He surprised himself when he reached out with his fingers and ran them through it. He expected her to recoil from his touch; he expected her to say something. But she didn't. Instead, she just turned her head over to look at him and smiled. 

 

* * *

 

Blaise was the happiest he had felt in awhile, but he knew it would be short-lived since it was now almost the Winter holidays. He would be left alone at Hogwarts with his thoughts. He would be left without her. 

But he didn't want to ask her to stay. Blaise wasn't a dependent person, and she wasn't his. She was her own person that could make her own decisions. They weren't dating; she had no obligations. They were just friends.

Wallowing in his own self-pity, Blaise turned the corner past the Great Hall. It was then he heard Hannah Abbott and Neville Longbottom talking in hushed tones.

"She's way too good for him. I don't understand why she is giving him the light of day. He was one of them."

"That hasn't been confirmed, Hannah, but he might as well have been."

"Did you hear she is staying at Hogwarts during the winter holidays rather than going to see her sister?"

"She probably just feels sorry for him. Padma is kind. She is the only one that will talk to him. Sprout asked me to be his tutor, but I refused. Padma was the one to step up and give him a chance. Her kindness took over."

"I don't know, Neville. I think it is something more."

Blaise took a few steps back and turned around. He did not want to hear anymore. He didn't need to.

 

* * *

 

Blaise didn't thank Padma for staying with him during the Winter holidays, but he didn't tell her to leave either. She didn't expect him to say much anyway; she knew him well enough at this point. But under the surface, Blaise was boiling with resentment of the truth. 

"Why are you so quiet?" Padma finally asked him.

They were sitting in their favorite spot in the library. Blaise was looking out the window at the snow falling to try and avoid her gaze.

"It's nothing," Blaise lied, "I don't want to talk about it."

"Clearly you need to."

"Not everyone needs to talk about their problems."

"It is healthy to." 

He ignored her.

Frustrated, she sighed loudly.

"I don't know why I am here if you aren't even going to talk to me."

"Why are you here?" Blaise challenged, "Is it because you feel sorry for me? Is that why you offered to help tutor me when Longbottom wouldn't?"

Padma snorted, "You think I feel sorry for you? I'm sorry, but I do not feel sorry for you. I do not pity people."

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I want to be."

"But why?" Blaise pressed. 

Padma suddenly stood up from her chair and pushed it into the table. 

"I don't need to psycho-analyzed, Blaise," she replied.

Before he could say anything, she was gone.

 

* * *

 

The next day, Padma found him by the lake. He was hoping she would find him there. 

"I'm sorry," Padma told him, "That was unfair of me yesterday. You were just curious."

Blaise didn't answer her. He kept staring out at the lake.

"Are you going to say anything?" She asked him, "Or are you going to make me say more?"

Blaise sighed, "What else is there to say?"

"Why were you asking me if I was here, I thought it was obvious? I care about you, Blaise."

Blaise decided to turn his head and look at her as she sat down on the ground next to him. The snow was cold and he knew she must be freezing now like he was, but he tried to ignore it. 

"You shouldn't care about me," Blaise said softly, **"I'm not good enough for you."**

Padma furrowed her brows, "Why would you say that?"

"Because it is the truth."

"I'm sick of your self-pity," she told him, "Get over yourself."

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and your past. It is over now. What are you afraid of?"

Blaise wasn't sure why he blurted it out, but he couldn't stop the words.

**_"I think I'm in love with you and that scares me half to death."_ **

For the first time since he had known Padma, he watched as she was stunned to silence.

"This is why it scares me," he told her, "I don't want this to end. I-I don't open up to people. If I can't have you, that's fine. _I just need you._ "

It was then she cupped his cheek with her hand and looked into his eyes. Her eyes were so dark he swore he could see the stars within them.

"The reason I stayed here with you Blaise is because I need you too," she admitted, "You make me feel alive again, after everything I have lost."

"What have you lost?" He asked her curiously, "You haven't brought up your side of the war."

"I lost my mother during the war. She wouldn't join Voldemort's cause, and I never knew my father."

"I-I'm sorry," he told her genuinely, "I had no idea."

"Most people don't. My family isn't as important as others."

"That's not true."

_"It is."_

Blaise gulped. She shouldn't need him. She _couldn't_ need him. It wasn't safe for her to believe he was a good guy.

"You shouldn't need me," he whispered, "I'm not good for you."

"Are you not good for me or are you afraid that you could be if you tried?"

Blaise took a deep breath.

"I'm afraid of the truth," he told her, "I'm afraid that I am a coward for running and that at the time, I didn't run for the right reasons. I didn't avoid becoming a Death Eater because it wasn't right, I avoided becoming a Death Eater to save myself."

"That's okay," Padma reassured him, "What is important is that you didn't become one. What is important is that you are here now and are wanting to be better. We all deserve a second chance."

And for the first time, Blaise believed in that idea. He believed her, but he was sure he would believe anything she said at this point. She was his voice of reason.

She scooted closer to him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I'm in love with you too," she told him, "I wish you could accept that truth."

He kissed her forehead and didn't say anything in response. But he knew he didn't have to. She understood him without words.


End file.
